How To Win Every Argument (especially with Christians)

So, you find yourself in some argument with a know-it-all Christian or atheist, and you want to show them that you are right.  Here is the guideline you have been looking for:

  1.  Rule of Assumption

• Do not forget the first rule: You are right. You must be right. This is your unshakable foundation, your impenetrable fortress.
• There is no truth outside of your current belief system. Remember to be careful about that whole “listening” thing. If you find yourself listening you could be tricked.
• Spend most of your time talking. If for some reason you find that you're not talking then you should be thinking of ways to destroy the other person and their arguments.
• Ready quick arguments. Pick up occasional key words that they may drop like, “I heard...” and rebut with “You shouldn't believe everything you hear these days...”
  
  

   2. Ad hominem

• This is a fancy way to say “attack the person.” In fact, look for opportunities to drop the line “That's an ad hominem argument!” which will defeat any point they were trying to make. You don't even have to know what it means, just saying it will impress them.
• Remember some of these quick and easy verbal knockouts:
  • Political ideas – Do they find the word of Ronald Reagan to be next to the word of God? If not, then attack them as a communist, liberal, or left-wing-anarchist. Is their voter registration Republican? It had better be!
  • Work status: are they unemployed? If so, condemn them as a lazy liberals always looking for handouts.
  • Who are some of their favorite authors or pastors? Look for any kind of influence from liberal personalities such as Rob Bell or Joel Osteen. If these influences are found, all of their beliefs are wrong, so tear them to pieces using the “Scriptural Slam” below.
  • How do they dress, what kind of music do they like, what does their hair look like? These questions will give you more ammunition if they do not fit how YOU KNOW a good Christian is supposed to dress or act.

   3. Scriptural Slam

• If their beliefs differ from yours, it is because they have been sucked into the pretty lies of false teachers and doctrine. Here are some scriptures to make your case:
  • 2 Peter 2:1 But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction.
  • Jeremiah 23:16 Thus saith the LORD of hosts, Hearken not unto the words of the prophets that prophesy unto you: they make you vain: they speak a vision of their own heart, and not out of the mouth of the LORD.
  • Matthew 7:15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
  • Matthew 24:11 And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.
  • Luke 6:26 is especially effective: Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets. Remember that if they are influenced by someone who is actually likable, then it is unlikely that anything they believe is true. Jesus didn't call us to be liked, but to make sure everyone knows THE TRUTH no matter how much it hurts them to hear it.
• They may try a rebuttal using scripture as well. Do not fear this, for even Satan did this with Jesus in the wilderness. That's right! The Devil quotes scripture too! No matter what point they make, and no matter which scriptures they use, remember that you can always come back to these scriptures listed here. You don't ever have to find any additional passages to back up what YOU KNOW is true.

  4.  Other Effective Techniques

• Be care of so called “context” arguments. This is when they read the Bible verses before or after the one that you quoted. They may attempt to turn your argument upside down on you. If this happens refer to rule #1 above.
• Remember the formula: God + Real-American-Patriotism = Right. Ask probing questions to discover their level of patriotism. If they are not patriotic (enough) and/or they are not a registered Republican then they are liberals who want to destroy the country that God has given us as a gift. If they want to destroy the country then they obviously do not appreciate God's gifts. If they don't appreciate God's gifts then they don't appreciate God, and if they don't appreciate God then they are unsaved. You will always win with this logically tight argument.
• In discussions involving the “World Wide Web” be sure to remember that one of the most effective strategies is to use ALL CAPS. There is a button on the left side of the keyboard called “Caps lock.” Pressing this key will increase the size of your typing, which will enable these blind, unsaved souls to better read your arguments, and therefore come to the light. Nothing shouts TRUTH like ALL CAPS!

In the end, remember that you were placed on this earth for one reason: to open up the blind eyes of everyone else to THE TRUTH no matter the cost. Don't get caught up in liberal ideas of love or peace. These things are best left to God, and can only be experienced when an individual has fallen on their knees and acknowledged through tears that you are right and that they do need God to clean up their filthy, disgusting souls.